Trouble

The past two and a half years have been a roller coaster ride. I’ve had the pleasure of reaching for the skies as I lived my dream. But unfortunately this year, I’ve plunged.

Sometime mid of the year, after a bout of constant negativity at my former workplace, I left my position without having a new place to go (I know, I’m such a millennial!). I then dumped a big chunk of my savings into a long-term investment plan to avoid burning all of it while I sorted my own shit out. There's been a few significant lifestyle changes to ensure that I was spending within my means, which really wasn't much. It’s been tough, but bearable.

Thankfully, I got a really awesome gift from the rents many years back when I returned from my studies in Perth. I haven't touched it and it's been my saving grace this year! Thanks Mawmz & Daddykins!

Still, the rest of 2018 is gonna be hella challenging, and I don’t even dare to think how I’m gonna start the coming new year. For now, I’m just going back to taking one baby step at a time. This time, I need to make it different. This time, I need to make it work.

The Black Rainbow

Tonight's probably the last of my awful jet-lag. Oooh, I really hope so. I've been waking up at ungodly hours for the past 3 nights and it's been messing with my morning plans.

So we've been in the limelight lately and it's depressing at how the new government is bullying a strongly productive and contributing minority group. And by "we", I refer to the Queer community in Malaysia.

I mean, come on. First it was the removal of two friendly portraits of Queer individuals from an exhibition promoting patriotism. This caused an uproar throughout the country, and I was pleasantly surprised at the number of Queer allies who stood their ground and spoke up for us. It was a refreshing take of the usually quiet and conservative Malaysia that I'm used to. Perhaps it was a good thing, because by censoring the 2 portraits, the images hit headlines and people were interested to know what was happening in that little island-state. Speaking and acting regarding that matter, we also knew who were against us, and the many who were with us.

During the weeks that followed, several politicians and religious leaders started to speak up, condemning the Queer "behaviour" and "lifestyle". LOL! Seriously, there are bigger issues in the country that they should be focusing on, but no. I guess the gay agenda was an easier target to pick on because "god said so".

Don't even get me started on the public caning of the 2 Queer adult women for attempting to have consensual sex. Again, our country is buggered with huge problems like pedophilia, child marriage & pornography, kidnappings & murder, corruption, misappropriation of public funds, and money laundering. But we chose to act on an archaic "legacy of discrimination", as said by Theresa May.

2 days after the disgusting caning, as if to mock our government, India's Supreme Court decriminalised gay sex. Yay! Well done, India! Meanwhile in Malaysia, the country took a step forward during the recent 14th general elections, then started walking backwards. Smh.

It's disheartening to know that "Queer Rights" doesn't mean that we get an added advantage or any special privileges. It simply means that we get the right to exist.

A Few Of My Favourite Things

It's been a good 6 years since I've left Perth, and I'm missing it just a bit more today. Thought of the things I used to eat there. Mmm.. The memories come flooding back...

1. Sausage Sizzle
We used to have these almost every Thursdays at Bush Court at uni. Selling at 2 dollars a pop, these were probably seen as a staple for most students. We usually had actual hotdog buns, but sometimes they were served with slices of white bread. Those were good too. Being the kiasu Malaysian, I'd sometimes wait till the evening when they'd give 2 sausages for each bread! Mee-Wow!

2. "Chinese" Food
Another popular, everyday treat was the Chinese food stall at the campus food court. Apart from sounding and looking like Chinese food to the unsuspecting eye, they were anything but. They had things like "Satay Chicken" and "Mongolian Beef", the common fried noodles and/or fried rice, served with a spork. I'd have these when I was missing home, then miss mommy's cooking even more later.

3. Pizza Shapes
If you watched an Australian channel, you may have seen their commercial. They'd zoom in on one of the pizza-flavoured snack to find a mini cartoon operatic tenor character à la Pavarotti standing on the biscuit, singing his lungs out. These things were super tasty, and really addictive!

4. Tim Tams
Ahh. The World-renowned chocolate biscuits. Forget the flavoured or double-dipped ones. The originals always win. I used to bite off two corners, directly opposite from each other, then dip one end into cold milk, and suck on the other; using the cookie as a straw. Don't really know why I did it; the milk tastes the same, and the insides of the Tim Tam gets soggy. Hmm. I do like soggy things.

5. Cherry Ripe
Usually anything "cherry flavoured" tastes like bad cough syrup. But not these. The inside of these chocolate bars consist of the perfect blend of juicy cherries and coconut, covered with chocolate. I do believe they're an acquired taste, as not many of the people I've introduced them to likes it. Totally underrated.

6. Anzac Biscuits
One thing I regret is not actually being in Australia during Anzac Day, though I'd have some friends save me some of these biscuits upon my return. If I'm not mistaken, they're basically oatmeal cookies with a hint of sugar & desiccated coconut. I've tried making them on my own once.. Need more practice.

7. Fairy Bread
These are one of the weirdest, yet happiest foods I had there. My friends made these during our LGBT parties.. Wait. All our parties were LGBT parties. LOL. These were colourful and fun! All the better for the occasion. It's really just white bread with butter and hundreds & thousands.

8. Weet-Bix
It started with a half-box of leftovers my housemate had. She thought it was gross and wanted to throw them out. I asked to try some, and after my first bite, I was in love! I had a constant supply of these in my pantry. It has a whole-wheat bran kinda taste. Some people eat it with milk, honey, and fruits. I eat it on its own. Yes, it's really dry, flaky, crumbles easily, and if you talk while munching on them, it kinda sprays out in wheat-y puffs. I usually grab a few and chomp them while I walk to uni so I don't have to worry about the mess.

9. Golden Gaytime
Umm... They were good.

I want a Gaytime now.

10. Jesters Pies
Jesters make great pies. I used to swear by them. But at around 5 dollars each, they're a costly affair. Only when I felt like indulging, I'd get 3 or 4 of these, inhale them at one go, then feel bad about myself later.

11. Kailis
I used to go to Fremantle a lot, 'cuz I lived nearby. Fremantle is a port city, Southwest of Perth. There's a constant battle between two fish markets/restaurants there; Cicerello's and Kailis. Some of their customers are fiercely loyal *rolleyes. If you happen to drop by Fremantle, I'd suggest trying them both and rate them for yourself. But if you can only pick one, choose Kailis!

12. Little Creatures
Speaking of Fremantle, it's also home to one of the best microbreweries beer in Oz! Naturally, they're a bit pricier than the big manufacturers but it's worth it (every now and then). There's also a tavern at their microbrewery, which serves bar food & snacks. I can't remember much as I've only been there a few times, and it's always packed. You can find a variety of their bottled brews from most local bottle-O's. My favourite's the Pale Ale. Mmm...

13. Passion Pop
Since I'm already talking about alcohol.. Here's the cheapest way to get wasted down under. And by cheap, I mean affordable AND trashy. Haha. These 750mL bottles of fruit pop cost only 4 to 5 dollars each, and contain about 10% alcohol (I think?). But hey, it's bubbly, so you can pour it into a plastic champagne flute and look classy... And if you're in your mid-twenties onwards, say hello to Mr. Hangover.

14. Masters
You know what makes me really happy?
I love a nice tall glass of chocolate fucking milk.

Not just chocolate milk.
Chocolate fucking milk.

It's sex in a glass.

weheartit.com

15. Dim Sims
There's this 'fish and chips' shop near where I live, and I used to go there for a fix of heavily-battered deep fried fish, squid, prawns, fries, onion rings, and... dim sims. I saw it on the menu, and I couldn't resist ordering them to find out what the hell they were.

Deep. Fried. Dim Sum.

Dim Sims.
It's kinda like deep fried shumai, but not exactly.
I'd always tell myself to never order that again, but whenever I'm back at that shop, it's what I'd do.

"One seafood platter. A side of onion rings. Yes, that's all. Fourteen-fifty? Can I have dim sims with that?"

Oof.

24 Hours

Someone asked me.
"If you had 24 hours left to live, what would you do?"

My answers were typical.
I'd spend my remaining time with the people I love.
Doing the things I love most.
Eating my favourite delicacy.
Sipping my favourite wine.
Singing my favourite songs.
There would be a lot of chatter, smiles, and laughter.
It would definitely be one of the happiest times of my life!

The notion of such a moment itself brought so much happiness.
It's nothing unusual.
I want to die happy.
Who wouldn't?

Then I thought to myself..
It would probably never happen.

Come on.
For real.

Few would ever know when's their last 24 hours alive.
So instead of dreaming about unrealistic answers of what I'd do;
I asked myself a simple question.
"Were you happy in the past 24 hours?"

I've started to dream less about being happy.
And really, just get down to actually do it.
Because happiness is not something that's gonna fall from the sky.
Unless you want to play in the rain (which is a really fun thing to do).
Happiness is something we can, and should, give ourselves every day.
We owe ourselves our own happiness.
And no one can take that away from you.

So, yes.
I am happy.
And it's my daily goal to ensure that that's always my answer at the end of every day.

Stop waiting for happiness to happen.
Create your own happiness.
It's your life.
Live it!

Then ask yourself.
"Were you happy in the past 24 hours?"

(source: pixabay.com)

Wanderlust

Happy February bloggies! So the first month of the year is buh-bye! I hope that most, if not all, of your resolutions for 2016 are holding up well so far.

Mine's going pretty good (except for the 'Learn' part... meh); I'm still staying positive, I've gained a bit of weight but that's OK, found a few more books to read, and I'm writing more every week! I've been checking out HitRecord.org and it's been giving me a lot of ideas to write. If you're a creative person and/or enjoy the arts in any way, be it music, theatre, screenwriting, poetry, graphic design, illustration, film, or photography etc., do have a look to see if it interests you.

And oooh, my solo trip starts tomorrow morning! Lol, I think I'm gonna be way too excited to fall asleep tonight, which is just as well cuz my flight is at 7AM, and I'll be going to Chiang Mai! It's supposed to be a trip alone, but hmm... I've already befriended someone who lives there; we met online. I wonder if that still counts, since we'll be meeting up at one point or another. Ha.

It's gonna be so much fun! I've (sorta) got an itinerary planned out, with lots of room to explore the city and some parts of the outskirts as well.

(Pic from: executivenomad.com)

I'll be back just in time for the CNY reunion with my family, which may be cutting a bit close. But heh, it'll be okay cuz I've got the world on a string! ;)

I love you all!

Dare To Jump!

I have to say, the first three weeks of 2016 has been fairly kind to me. Adjusting myself to the aftermath of the breakup, I've met a few new friends, I'm a step closer to starting a new career, halfway through my first novel for the year (though a bit behind schedule), collaborating with my bestie to write two songs, project #racetosix is still going strong, been drinking a lot more often (dunno if that's a good thing haha), and I'll be making my first solo trip next month!

Huz'zah!

I've been wanting to travel alone for the longest time; and it's finally happening! Hope to check a few things off my bucket list, and find some really compulsive & enriching things to do while I'm there! It's just a 6-day trip, but planning has been quite messy so far, to say the least, and I'd be very pleased with myself if I'm able to keep within my budget. Wish me luck!

(pic from: jameswoodward.wordpress.com)

Be Brave

Take action.
Speak up.
Express yourself.
Live your life.
Appreciate the little things.
Dance like no one's watching.
Sing in public.
Laugh to and at yourself.
Eat all your favourite foods in one day.
Run till your legs hurt.
Beat up a punching bag.
Hold your breath underwater.

Unfuck your life.
Have the courage to cry.
Love yourself first.
Then fall in love with another.
Go as far as your heart will take you.
Explore possibilities.
Defy your fear of change.
Hold your head high.
Do what you once thought was unthinkable.
Chase after your dreams.
Dare to find your happiness.
Be Brave.

Resolutions, 2016

So this happened. I finally decided to call it an early night (I've been sleeping late for the past few weeks), fell asleep for 20 minutes, had a weird dream, and now I'm here, wide awake. Fuzznaughts.

So I realised that I didn't really make any resolutions for the year. I guess it's never too late. I wouldn't take this list too seriously though; it is, after all, way past midnight and I'm just making my brain tired so that I can go back to bed. Ha!

1. Stay Positive
Definitely at the top of the list! I think I'm at a very fragile point in my life where I could very easily slip and fall, then blame the world for filling me with despair; but I'm not about to let that happen. There are definitely two sides (or maybe even more) to everything, and I'm learning to look at matters from different perspectives. And even if things worsen, if the rain gets harder, when the nights seem longer; well maybe that's a gift too.

2. Jumpstart Project #racetosix
Seriously. I've been putting this off for way too long! I went to the gym for the last time on December 31, 2015. That was when they told me that my free membership had expired in 2014. Lol. Since then, I've been sweating it out without the gym. It's been good, and I've been really disciplined so far, working out every day. I'm alternating between HIIT workouts at home, and running topless around the neighbourhood in the evening. It's such a thrill to get stares at the parks. Ha, I know, I'm such an attention seeker. I've also been doing a new abs drill, which is simple and effective. I'm setting an April deadline to achieve this, for Songkran. No, I'm not even going to Songkran this year. I just wanna say that I got my Songkran body 2 years too late. Haha!

3. Learn
No surprises here. I've been spending too much time online, reading useless articles, gossip, and "news" from social media. I'm going to limit myself on those and spend more time learning and acquiring new skills to upgrade my life. I'm currently reading some tutorials on economics, and will look into learning some basics of programming, and a refresher course for applied statistics (have I mentioned that I love statistics?).

4. Read
I've purchased so many books in the past, and I haven't even touched them. They're mostly fiction, but I think that's a good start to spark an interest to read. I think that with the rise of technology and its technological gadgets, as well as an addiction to social media, many do not read nor appreciate the art of literature anymore. I don't want to fall into that pit, so I pledge to read at least 12 books this year. I know 12 isn't much for a start, but it's 12 more than last year!

5. Write
I'm trying to discover my passion in life, and I believe that it may be writing - something that I haven't done in a long while. I hope to update this blog a bit more often, and do a lot more of my personal writing as well. I need find the inspiration to provoke my thoughts, and rediscover the many pleasures of writing. Oh, I'm so excited already! It's going to be a great year! - as long as I stay focused. Lol!

Okay. That's all for tonight. I'm sleepy again and ready to go to bed now.
Good night.
X

A Simple Life

Hey bloggies! Okay, this is a bit delayed.... but Happy 2014!

Hmm, there was supposed to be a Christmas post here somewhere; dunno what happened to that. Oh well.~

Anyhoos, TJ and I survived our first holiday together! Hanoi was beautiful! Loved it so much there, I hope to stay there permanently some day. Seriously. It's loads better than KL.

Yes, the streets may be filled with motorbikes and scooters and it may seem like an adventure every time you attempt to cross the street. But hey, KL's no better. In fact, Hanoi traffic is comparatively slow moving, so vehicle-pedestrian accidents are less prone to happen compared to Malaysia's insanely speeding traffic. And while KL's traffic congestion can make you crawl a bare 50m in an hour, Hanoi's traffic hardly stops moving. Definitely a win for the Vietnamese city.

It's also far safer in Hanoi than it is in KL. Of course, we didn't let our guard and was constantly wary of pick-pocketers. But we also walked in dark alleys late at night without worrying about being robbed or slashed by machete-wielding fuckwats. There was a sense of security in Hanoi that we could never feel in Malaysia anymore.

Surprisingly, Hanoi is clean. Not as freakishly-OCD clean like Singapore, but definitely cleaner than Malaysia. People there are more civic-minded than Malaysians who toss rubbish out of their cars and litter everywhere. Fucking litterbugs.

Cost of living in Hanoi is generally lower than in KL; the amount varies depending on your lifestyle and demands. We managed to snag a meal for 4 at a 'coffee-shop' for only 95,000 Vietnamese Dongs (that's about RM15). But if you're a bit more affluent, you can spend three times that amount per person for a meal at a fancy restaurant. I think it's pretty similar to what we have in Malaysia. There are options to save, and options to splurge. Really depends on what you're after. For me, I loved their street food! Especially the ones where I had to sit on a footstool next to the drain. Oh so yummy... Lol!

The most important thing I loved about Hanoi is that the trip there gave me a new perspective on my life. For as long as I can remember, I've always strived for a luxurious and lavish lifestyle. That was my ultimate goal in life. We've been conditioned to believe that with a colossal amount of money, we could get anything that we've ever wanted. And somehow that equated to happiness. I'm not gonna deny it. I'm materialistic. And along the way, I've failed to appreciate what I already have.

Hanoi has, in a way, showed me what true happiness is to me....