2000 Miles Apart, Part.2

With the various social platforms & apps available, one would think that I'd be able to freely express myself on one; but I frequently find myself being self-restrictive (for good reasons), not wanting to "out" myself to certain friends or followers, and I cbf to group them in different lists, which I think is a bit of an asshole move. So here I am, back in the safe haven of the blogosphere where I can safely & comfortably say...

I.FUCKING.MISS.MY.BOYFRIEND! (...so much!)

We've been doing this whole long-distance thing a little longer than we initially planned for, and seriously; I have no idea how some couples spend years, or an indefinite amount of time apart.

I miss seeing him, I miss his closeness, I miss making and laughing at silly jokes together, I miss sharing our meals, I miss going to the movies with him, I miss working-out together, I miss spending time with him not doing anything at all... and of course, I miss having sex! Gosh, I'm thirsty..

Happy Christmas

It's probably my first time spending Christmas night alone tonight (or it may be the second time around? I dunno, I forget). I've 2 bottles of wine, a Christmas tree, and an attention-seeking cat. What more could I ask for? I'm alone, but not lonely.

Tonight also marks my first month being in Taipei. I'm glad I'm where I am today.

The first week in Taipei was difficult. Whilst searching for a place to stay, I spent 7 nights in 3 different hotels, and the depressing, gloomy weather didn't help. Living out of a suitcase from a temporary room in a city I were to call "home" for the next 3 months made me question my decision to leave KL, really.

It all changed when I finally found a place, thanks to my Taiwanese friend, Ethan. The apartment I live in is awesome! There's a busy back-alley street just downstairs, and I'm not more than a 5-minute walk to the nearest MRT station, several bus stops, a ubike stop, a large temple, Carrefour, Watsons, Family Mart, at least four different 7-Elevens! The place is so convenient!

Life in Taipei has been treating me well since. I've found a clique of good friends who have welcomed me into their circle, and the Taiwanese are very hospitable. Touch wood, I've yet to meet anyone who's unfriendly or rude. Even the bus drivers here are usually helpful and polite.

Anyway, I'm kinda tipsy now since I've chugged down an entire bottle of Bordeaux, so excuse me but I'll have to continue this discourse another time.

May you all have a very Merry Christmas.

Much love. xoxo

2000 Miles Apart

We were in Tokyo for just over a week; it was both our first time there, so there was much to explore and see.

We spent much time going back to the same places that we liked; the little back-alley sushi bars & curry eateries, browsing through novelty shops, exploring different neighbourhood public onsen bathhouses, and we even bought a picnic mat so we could celebrate his birthday under the golden yellow-leaved ginkgo trees. It was wonderful.

One of the toughest pre-holiday booking was deciding between Disneyland and DisneySea; in the end we opted for the latter since it was exclusive to Japan. It was his first time at a Disney theme park. It was utterly magical, at least for me. I hope that he felt the same way. I should ask.

The Mori Digital Art Museum by TeamLab was also one of the highlights of our trip. I think we spent close to 4 hours in there. Pretty!

We got on a day tour to catch a stunning view of Mount Fuji from Lake Kawaguchiko. Despite the heavy traffic getting there and back (it was a public holiday in Japan), we found out later that we were very lucky, as she's known to be shy, hiding behind clouds and fog. She was very kind to us that day.

Our last day was the most difficult. We navigated the streets of Tokyo aimlessly, both pretending that we were okay, that it was almost forgotten that at the end of our charming week together, we would be heading our separate ways.

No, we weren't breaking up.

His flight back to KL was scheduled at 11:45PM, while mine was to Taipei; 5 hours later at 4:50AM. I've decided to temporarily relocate myself there for the next 10 weeks or so. Yes, we're doing the long distance thing. Looking back, it may have been the dumbest decision I've made.

During dinner, his eyes suddenly welled-up and he cried a little. Seeing him break down like that, my heart paced and a lump formed in my throat. For the first time, I was afraid of leaving without him. Our ride to the airport was a quiet one. We took some pictures in the train and held each others' hands. He told me that he secretly wished that his flight would be delayed so that we could spend a little more time together. I smiled at his silliness.

When we reached the airport terminal, we laughed when they displayed a "delayed" status for his flight. That bought us 45 more minutes together. 45 precious minutes that I'm so grateful for.

Then came the dreaded moment. My flight was too early to be checked-in, so we had to say our goodbyes at the departure gate. I can't remember how many times we hugged while walking there. But when I knew that it would soon be our last, it hit my heart like a hammer and I started crying like a man. He hugged me till the tears stopped, then he walked on and disappeared past the sliding doors.

Today's only our third day apart. It hasn't been easy. Exploring a city alone isn't quite the same when you know that there's someone who you wish could be there with you. No joke, but I see him everywhere and in everything I do. I know that we only need to endure the next 10 weeks. Some would even laugh at us. "What's 10 weeks?"..  But hey, we've never done anything even remotely close to this.

He's due to visit February next year. He'll be bringing me home. But until then, I've made a promise that I'll make the most of my time here in Taipei.

I'll be counting down the days, and counting up the moments till we meet again. I miss you.

Trouble

The past two and a half years have been a roller coaster ride. I’ve had the pleasure of reaching for the skies as I lived my dream. But unfortunately this year, I’ve plunged.

Sometime mid of the year, after a bout of constant negativity at my former workplace, I left my position without having a new place to go (I know, I’m such a millennial!). I then dumped a big chunk of my savings into a long-term investment plan to avoid burning all of it while I sorted my own shit out. There's been a few significant lifestyle changes to ensure that I was spending within my means, which really wasn't much. It’s been tough, but bearable.

Thankfully, I got a really awesome gift from the rents many years back when I returned from my studies in Perth. I haven't touched it and it's been my saving grace this year! Thanks Mawmz & Daddykins!

Still, the rest of 2018 is gonna be hella challenging, and I don’t even dare to think how I’m gonna start the coming new year. For now, I’m just going back to taking one baby step at a time. This time, I need to make it different. This time, I need to make it work.

The Black Rainbow

Tonight's probably the last of my awful jet-lag. Oooh, I really hope so. I've been waking up at ungodly hours for the past 3 nights and it's been messing with my morning plans.

So we've been in the limelight lately and it's depressing at how the new government is bullying a strongly productive and contributing minority group. And by "we", I refer to the Queer community in Malaysia.

I mean, come on. First it was the removal of two friendly portraits of Queer individuals from an exhibition promoting patriotism. This caused an uproar throughout the country, and I was pleasantly surprised at the number of Queer allies who stood their ground and spoke up for us. It was a refreshing take of the usually quiet and conservative Malaysia that I'm used to. Perhaps it was a good thing, because by censoring the 2 portraits, the images hit headlines and people were interested to know what was happening in that little island-state. Speaking and acting regarding that matter, we also knew who were against us, and the many who were with us.

During the weeks that followed, several politicians and religious leaders started to speak up, condemning the Queer "behaviour" and "lifestyle". LOL! Seriously, there are bigger issues in the country that they should be focusing on, but no. I guess the gay agenda was an easier target to pick on because "god said so".

Don't even get me started on the public caning of the 2 Queer adult women for attempting to have consensual sex. Again, our country is buggered with huge problems like pedophilia, child marriage & pornography, kidnappings & murder, corruption, misappropriation of public funds, and money laundering. But we chose to act on an archaic "legacy of discrimination", as said by Theresa May.

2 days after the disgusting caning, as if to mock our government, India's Supreme Court decriminalised gay sex. Yay! Well done, India! Meanwhile in Malaysia, the country took a step forward during the recent 14th general elections, then started walking backwards. Smh.

It's disheartening to know that "Queer Rights" doesn't mean that we get an added advantage or any special privileges. It simply means that we get the right to exist.

The Last Hurrah

Marketplace, better known as MP. It used to be the gay venue in KL. I remember when I used to frequent this place, it was a weekly routine; Saturday nights at MP.

Then word got around that they were closing down, that there was a party, the last hurrah. I texted my closest friends about it and we planned to make one last visit, for old time's sake.

So the night came. We got there at one AM, there was queue. A really long one. I bumped into a few friends who were already leaving. Was surprised to see a few colleagues too (hey hey hey!). They said to not bother; they've been there since eleven, and it took them an hour to get in, and it was too crowded inside. They were heading elsewhere. I wish I had asked them to stay.

After waiting in line for 15 minutes, the bouncers relented and let everyone in. Saw a few more people whom I work with (oops!), and decided to head upstairs to find my usual camping spot. Every step was so nostalgic, I can't believe that they've decided to close this place. The upper floor had a few refurbishments, in a good way, but the beautiful view of the Petronas Twin Towers from the balcony was now obstructed by another development.

The place was crowded, but it wasn't much different during its days of glory. The crowd was nice and friendly. People were socializing, getting to know each other, some reminiscing about their years at MP, and I was pleasantly surprised at all my friends who turned up; The people whom I befriended up on that rooftop, where we'd spend every Saturday night chugging down jugs of long island iced tea, talking and laughing the night away. It was like we all came to bid farewell to this fine establishment.

I felt as though I had traveled back in time and everything was how it was several years ago. How recklessly happy and carefree I used to be. Momentarily free from the worries, stresses, and responsibilities of being an adult, it felt really good. Then when reality kicked in and I realised that it was only a matter of hours before this place was history, it kinda tore deep into my feelings.

I'd go as far as saying that it was probably one of the best nights that I've had in KL in a very long time.

Thank you, Marketplace. You were my social spot when I first came out as a gay man. You've given me so many memories and friendships. And now you've left with a bang. Goodbye.